hey sweetheart,
if you're reading this, you got the right to know that i'm on the verge of  breaking point. I have no idea if i'm able to take your crap this year nevertheless 4 fucking years that you're there.
Many told me to just give you up, i mean even your good friends. Heard so much stuffs about you that isnt positive. I alway gave you the benefit of the doubt  on hearing such issues, but the more i hear and the actions you portray me towards and all... I just realise that you're not the guy i fell in love with 2 over years ao, i know that people do change and all, i accepted that and adapted myself to your changes. But now thinking about it, am i just holding onto the past, i mean you're hardly the guy i fell in love with, am i suppose to continue to hold on?
i am holding on to the past, a small part of me cant help but wonder will you go back to the guy that i love so much, i seriously doubt in and i doubt thi relationship now.

Just heard things about you, and sorry to say its over baby.

It's been forever since I last blogged. Hmmm, needless to say I have been ultra busy ever since I started my secondary four year, I mean comeon, it's my O levels year! Having extra lessons every single day is a chore and having to head back home after a long day and yet still having to complete one's homework is seriously a bitch. But I gotta admit I'm not in my top gear yet, I have been going out every single weekend and only heading back in the wee morning, yes I do feel guilty and my results are like crap for the first quarter.
At times I seriously have no idea what put me off track, oh wells time to pull up your socks clarissa(: shernice asked me last night "are you happy?" I replied her "I don't know, I feel like happy at times and others like crap but i'll pretend I'm happy" I do this to decieve myself or others around me I have no idea. I'm sick and tired already I sincerely am.

I really dont know why i allow myself to be feeling this kinda shit. You have gone crazy again, ever since the argument over my fucked up attitude. I know i do have that but you're such an asshole too. You kept making me go nuts over your temperamental periods. I mean you treat me like a princess during our honeymoon period. I thought the world of you thinking why would a person like you would ever love and accept a person like me. However you went nuts when you went into OCS, you have no idea what a wreck i was. I told myself that i will never ever allow you to do that to me again. I grew stronger and that's when you came back to me. You treated me like dabombz again like nothing ever happened. But did i forget about it no. You have no idea how much it hurt, how much i cried how much it affected me. You always have this undescribeable way of yours that makes me so damn vunerable whenever i'm in your presence. I felt my promise to myself slipping. And that's when it all happened again. wow, you sure hit me at the perfect timing. i mean a small part of me always know and warn myself that this may happen again. However you cant blame me for hoping that it will never happen again. i mean i thought that if it does happen again, it wouldnt feel so bad as before yeah? yeap i was right about one thing it wasnt as bad as before, but it still hurts like a bitch. I know i can never let my guard down no more, i dont want to be vunerable to anyone not even you. i will overcome this and become stronger.
This is me, i can do it.
I'm getting tired of this benedict, i really am.

I love it when you...



■steal kisses from me.

■give me your shirt when I’m cold.

■let me style your hair.

■share your food and drinks with me.

■smile when we make eye contact.

■smile after you kiss me.

■hug me from behind.

■play basketball with me.

■hold my hand.

■kiss my forehead.

■smell my hair while i’m in your

■arms.

■buy me ice cream.

■text me first.

■rub my thumb while holding hands.

■hold my hand without asking.

■give me surprises.

■surprise me with flowers.

■whisper to me during a hug.

■make me laugh even if I’m in a bad mood.

■tell your friends “i’m going to marry this girl!”

■say “lets not fight anymore”

■don’t want to let go of my hand.

■act stupid just to make me laugh.

■stare at my face while I’m not looking.

■tell me i’m pretty when I know I’m not.

■Send good morning and good night texts.

■call just to say you love me.

■put up a status on facebook for me.

■share stories to your friends about me.

■ask my opinion or permission before doing something.

■think about our life together in the future.

■say “ouch!” when i bite your lips.

■walk me home.

■kiss me when i’m talking.

■call me “my love.”

■show me off like a trophy.

■buy me snacks when i’m hungry.

■make me feel I complete you

I seriously don't know what is going through your mind now. Doing something that you don't want? Pheesh, I remembered you telling me that noone can force you to do something that you yourself don't want. Well, guess what, you now are not heeding to your own advice!
I mean like seriously seeing you work such long hours every single day and being dead beat during the weekends, I really hope that it will all end in a mere two more months. You yourself told me that you can't wait till you're commissioned and get out of this type if shit lifestyle. And now what, you're gonna be doing that for the next four years of your life if you were to go to that military school. You already decided to take law and then now cause they want you to go there you go. I don't remember you being so ting hua. Imagine after completeing your four years you come back to this fucked up lifestyle again.
I know taking this scholarship meant that your promotion would be faster and more
confirm than others. But is it worth it first anot, imagine you wanna be out form the navy, what the hell you gonna do with an arts degree?! Don't give me bullshit say that study two degrees there, first the scholarship will pay for you anot. Secondly, hello, military school also have military activities got so much time let you study two degrees.
Seriously, I don't know what else to tell you to make you open your mouth to tell them your own personal choice.Fuck it

            #1 When you break her heart, the pain never really goes away.

            #2 When she misses you, she’s hurting inside.

            #3 When she says it’s over, she still wants you to be hers.

            #4 When she walks away from you mad, follow her.

            #5 When she stares at your mouth, kiss her.

            #6 When she pushes or hits you, grab her tight & don’t let her go.

            #7 When she starts cursing at you, kiss her and tell her you love her.

            #8 When she ignores you, give her your attention.

            #9 When she pulls away, pull her back.

            #10 When you see her at her worst, tell her she’s beautiful.

            #11 When you see her crying, just hold her and don’t say a word.

            #12 When you see her walking, sneak up and hug her waist from behind.

            #13 When she’s scared, protect her.

            #14 When she lays her head on your shoulder, tilt her head up and kiss her.

            #15 When she steals your favourite jacket, let her keep it and sleep with it for a night.

            #16 When she teases you, tease her back and make her laugh.

            #17 When she doesn’t answer for a long time, reassure her that everything is okay.

            #18 When she looks at you with doubt, back yourself up with the truth.

            #19 When she says that she likes you, she really does more than you could understand.

            #20 When she grabs your hands, hold hers and play with her fingers.

            #21 When she bumps into you, bump into her back and make her laugh.

            #22 When she tells you a secret, keep it safe and untold.

            #23 When she looks at you in your eyes, don’t look away until she does.

            #24 Stay on the phone with her even if she’s not saying anything.

            #25 Don’t let her have the last word.

            #26 Don’t call her hot, but gorgeous or beautiful is so much better.

            #27 Say you love her more than she could ever love you.

            #28 Argue that she is the best girl ever.

            #29 When she’s mad, hug her tight and don’t let go.

            #30 When she says she’s OK, don’t believe it, talk to
            her about it, because 10 yrs later she’ll still remember it.

            #31 Call her at 12:00am on special occasions to tell her you love her.

            #32 Call her before you sleep and after you wake up.

            #33 Treat her like she’s all that matters to you.

            #34 Don’t ignore her when she’s out with you and your friends.

            #35 Stay up all night with her when she’s sick.

            #36 Watch her favourite movie with her or her favourite show even if you think it’s stupid.

            #37 Let her into your world.

            #38 Let her wear your clothes.

            #39 When she’s bored and sad, hang out with her

            #40 Let her know she’s important.

            #41 Kiss her in the pouring rain.

            #42 When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is
            “Who’s ass am I kicking today baby?”

            #43 After she reads this, she hopes one day you’d read it too.

You're coming home in just another week.
I'm worried and afraid.